How to talk to your children about menopause

Tips on talking menopause with teenagers and younger children

Hormone changes during perimenopause and menopause can impact relationships with your children
Knowing how to broach the topic of perimenopause and menopause with your family can be tricky
An honest approach, with age-appropriate language, can help your children understand what you are experiencing

Your perimenopause and menopause can be a time of significant upheaval, with symptoms which can be challenging in both range and severity.

The chances are this won’t only affect you – your loved ones, including your children, are likely to notice changes.

You may be feeling particularly tired, anxious or irritable, and patience at home can be worn thin. So how much should you share with your children about what you are experiencing as your hormone levels change, and how do you go about it?

Should I tell my children about my menopause?

A survey of nearly 6,000 perimenopausal and menopausal women by GP and Menopause specialist Dr Louise Newson found that three quarters (4,314) of respondents said menopause was never discussed in their home while growing up, and a third (1,931) of respondents said that they never discussed it with their mother [1].

The survey also revealed an encouraging generational shift, with respondents more likely to have conversations about menopause with their children: 87% (2,717) had discussed menopause with their daughters, while 69% (2,210) had discussed menopause with their sons [1].

Unless they are very young, then talking to your children about your perimenopause and menopause experience is generally a good approach, says Dr Louise.

‘It’s important that we all talk about hormone changes more, and this is definitely starting to happen with periods, the menopause and the perimenopause,’ says Dr Louise.

‘It is brilliant that we are able to be more open about these issues and this makes it more likely we can get the support and understanding we need. Our children need to be part of these conversations. It is about breaking that taboo.’

Age-appropriate menopause conversations

So how can you broach the subject effectively?

Information needs to be tailored to their age, as this will greatly influence how much they can understand. Ensuring that children know the correct names of their body parts, including their intimate areas, can help with conversations around what we experience at different stages of our lives, Dr Louise says.

‘You may not want to talk about your perimenopause or menopause if your children are too young to understand. But making sure they have the vocabulary is a start, so that when they have the understanding, you can start talking about your menopause,’ she says.

‘Start very, very small, with just little bits of information, so that they can understand properly and clearly. Always be honest in what you tell them.’

When you are having conversations around puberty, this can be a good time to mention what happens at the other end for women.

‘Touch on what happens when these hormones start to decline, and that this is happening for you’ says Dr Louise.

Understanding the power of hormones

Discussing the power of our hormones and being respectful of their impact throughout our lives is a good approach, says Dr Louise.

‘Try and improve understanding of your hormones, and the impact of their fluctuations,’ she adds.

‘Talk about how changes throughout a woman’s life can bring different symptoms, can lead to postnatal depression, premenstrual syndrome (PMS), premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD), and, later, the symptoms of perimenopause and menopause. Improving our and our children’s knowledge around the changes in our bodies is an empowering move. It can help them understand their own experiences and changes, and the importance of seeking care if needed now and throughout their lives.’

Highlight that positive solutions are out there

While your perimenopause and menopause experiences are unique, for many women they can bring significant challenges.

These changes can affect most areas of your life, including work and home, so sharing this with your children can help them understand what you are and why you may be different.

For women struggling with symptoms, the first line treatment is usually hormone replacement therapy (HRT), so talk to a healthcare professional to discuss your options [2]. You can also download the balance menopause support app to track the frequency and severity of symptoms to produce a report to take along to your appointment.

Taking the right dose and type of hormones can usually really improve your symptoms. You do not to have to delay taking hormones until your symptoms are unbearable or you have suffered for a length of time. It can sometimes take a while for the right dose and type of hormone for you as an individual.

Dr Louise says: ‘Always be positive and be clear that there are solutions out there, like HRT and hormonal approaches to heavy periods and contraception.

‘Encourage your children to talk to a healthcare professional if they have any hormonal difficulties and demonstrate to them that you do. This shows the importance of getting up-to-date and individualised advice.’

When puberty and menopause collide

In some households, children will be going through puberty as their mother experiences perimenopause or menopause, leading to a potentially volatile combination of hormonal changes.

A 2022 survey by Newson Health and the Family Law Menopause Project found a link between menopause and the rates of relationship breakdown and divorce.

Here, openness is particularly important and beneficial, Dr Louise says.

‘This can be a fraught time for a family,’ she says.

‘Understanding why we, or our children, may be particularly irritable or tired is really important. Maintain and protect that respect for each other, even when sleep is poor, we aren’t feeling great, and emotions are running high.’

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