How friends can ease your menopause

From a shoulder to cry on to a confidante to giggle with, friends can offer support and even help ease your menopause symptoms

Women’s social lives can be impacted by menopausal symptoms
Those in social networks are more likely to be positive about menopause and less likely to have depressive symptoms
Starting menopause conversations can open up friendships

Right now, millions of women worldwide are menopausal. So, you’re certainly not alone even though it can, at times, feel that way. For some women, symptoms of the perimenopause and menopause can be isolating, for numerous reasons.

On a physical level, heavy periods, hot flushes, muscle and joint pain or tiredness may prevent you from seeing your friends as much as you used to or would like to. Psychologically, a lack of confidence, loss of joy, brain fog or anxiety can have an effect. In fact, a study found that over a third of women reported that their social life had been impacted by menopausal symptoms, with 26% saying they felt less outgoing, and 19% no longer enjoying social situations [1].

Users of the balance app’s community pages have shared their struggles with socialising – some women talk about wanting to stay in the safe space of home, others say they hide their symptoms, which can be exhausting, while another reported she ‘doesn’t have the energy or headspace for socialising at all’.

Beyond the desire to socialise, some women don’t feel understood. Even though you know that other women must be going through the menopause, it can sometimes feel like they might not understand your experience. After all, everyone’s experience is different and well-meaning friends might not appreciate the effect your symptoms have on you, especially if they seem to be ‘breezing through’.

Then again, you might be the first woman in your friendship group to be experiencing symptoms, especially if you are going through a surgical menopause or early menopause. It can be hard to confide in friends who may not be in a similar stage of life.

RELATED: loneliness and the menopause

Why friendships matter

While your instinct might be to become more insular, it’s worth remembering the importance of friendships on your everyday wellbeing and health. Adults who are more socially connected are healthier, live longer, and have a better quality of life than their more isolated peers [2, 3].

But when it comes to perimenopause and menopause, friendship can have a positive effect. To gain more insight into how friendships can be so valuable at this time of life, a survey asked women aged 37 to 65 to report their experiences. Common themes were that friends were a great source of support, comfort and understanding and that relationships with other peri/menopausal women were portrayed as akin to “sisterhoods”. Meaningful menopause-related connections were forged in all areas of everyday life, with women connecting over their experiences in their workplace, or at the gym, for example [4].

As well as offering comfort, friends can be a great source of information about perimenopause and menopause – some women perceive social networks to be more useful resources than doctors or health professionals [5].

How your friends can support you

You may feel unsure if menopause is something you can discuss with your current friends. But think of it this way – they might feel the same! Only by talking about perimenopause and menopause will we learn it. There is no shame in it and if you can talk openly and factually – about menopause being a long-term hormone deficiency – you might help someone else.

If you’re the first one in your friendship group to be experiencing symptoms, talking about it opens the door to others so they, in turn, can ask you questions when they (inevitably) go through it.

You might also be able to use a friend as a sounding board. For instance, if your mental health is suffering, a friend can help you make sense of what you’re experiencing – ask her if she’s noticed changes in you, or if you seem more down or irritable than usual. By initiating the conversation, she’ll know you’re open to support.

If you’re nervous about seeing a healthcare professional about menopause, you can ask a friend to accompany you – and offer to provide her the same support if she needs it.

How can I find my tribe?

While the benefits of friendship during menopause are indisputable, not every woman has a group of friends she feels she can confide in. Midlife can be a tricky time – you may have grown apart from some friends or been so busy friendships have drifted away.

As the previously mentioned survey noted, menopause friends can come from places as varied as work, leisure clubs and even neighbours. You can also ask your healthcare professional if they know of any local face-to-face support groups.

Social media can be helpful, whether it’s for finding local groups via Facebook or workplace events via LinkedIn.

Our free balance app has community pages, where women share their experiences. Since using our balance app, 79% of women said they felt less alone once they’d read other people’s stories that have resonated with them [6]. In one post on socialising, women shared their views such as how lunchtime get togethers are best as they’re quieter and shorter, and one user said ‘I seem to only be able to tolerate other menopausal/perimenopausal women. I have to mask so much with everyone else.’ Proof indeed that menopausal women make the best friends!

References

1. Currie, H., & Moger, S. J. (2019), ‘Menopause – Understanding the impact on women and their partners’, Post Reproductive Health, 25(4), pp183–190. Doi: 10.1177/2053369119895413

2. Umberson D., Montez J.K. (2010), ‘Social Relationships and Health: A Flashpoint for Health Policy’, J. Health Soc. Behav. 51(Suppl. 1), pp54–66. doi: 10.1177/0022146510383501.

3. Scocco P., Nassuato M. (2017), ‘The role of social relationships among elderly community-dwelling and nursing-home residents: Findings from a quality of life study’, Psychogeriatrics.17 pp231–237. doi: 10.1111/psyg.12219.

4. Hayfield, N., Moore, H., & Terry, G. (2024). ‘“Friends? Supported. Partner? Not so much …”: Women’s experiences of friendships, family, and relationships during perimenopause and menopause’, Feminism & Psychology, 0(0). https://doi.org/10.1177/09593535241242563

5. Dillaway, H., Byrnes, M., Miller, S., & Rehan, S. (2008), ‘Talking “among us”: How women from different racial-ethnic groups define and discuss menopause’, Health Care for Women International, 29(7), pp766–781. https://doi.org/10.1080/07399330802179247

6. The Definitive Guide to the Perimenopause and Menopause Survey (2022)